relationship

The End of the Sentence: Becoming Unstuck

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I’ve hoped to write this post for a long time. Nearly six years, to be exact. Six years of hoping and waiting and praying and searching out answers. Answers for why: why my body wasn’t doing what it should do as a woman, why my cycle had gone missing, why I was stuck in this period of waiting. And how: how to get healthy, how to get my cycle back – as though it was off exploring the world somewhere, and it was my job to figure out how to bring that wanderer back home.

The name of this blog was born out of these years of waiting. “Waiting for the end of the sentence” referred both to waiting for my cycle to return and the more significant process of learning to wait on God during this period of time and recognize his work in my life. Everything I’ve written on this blog and my book Enough has passed through that filter of learning and observing. Instead of simply asking why and how, I’ve been asking what: What is God teaching me? What does he want me to share with others as a result of what I’ve learned?

In every experience – from dating to sleeping (or rather, not sleeping) – I’ve become keenly aware that God is speaking to me and moving in me. While there were times where I felt stuck, I wasn’t stagnant. And God was moving, working, bringing things back to life.

The lessons he’s taught me, the ways in which he’s been present with me, the love he’s revealed to me…that’s the point. That’s the period at the end of the sentence. That’s what I need to share.

While my cycle has returned – prodigal daughter that she was – I know this isn’t the end of the sentence for me. The waiting doesn’t stop here. No. This is simply a comma, a dash, and ellipse. An opportunity to pause, take a beat, breath, and thank God for the healing work he’s done over the last few years.

So, without further ado, here’s how – after six years of waiting – God has healed my body and is bringing things back into alignment.

It feels like a miracle. And it is. It’s a miracle that I didn’t stay stuck in a cycle of perfectionism. It’s a miracle of small steps and big changes that have led to life. It’s a miracle of grace. Continue reading →

In The Waiting Period

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CoffeeIt has been a long time since I last posted on this site. A year and a half to be exact. And in that year and a half, I have not had a period. (Guys, don’t feel like you have to stop reading here…but if you’re already freaked out, then that’s okay, I give you complete permission to leave.)

In this time (since April of last year), I have been through some major changes. I’ve shared a dark secret with my parents and as a result experienced the most profound example of grace in my life to-date. I’ve dated, gotten engaged to, and broken up with a man I was convinced was the one. I’ve moved to San Francisco, found an incredible church community, and met some amazing people whom I now count among my best friends.

Above all else, though, I have grown intimately in love with my Creator. He has pursued me faithfully, and I sense that He continues to walk beside me as I wait for the conclusion to some major question marks in my life. I am actively seeking out shalom – working toward resolution in my broken relationships, trying to be healthy so that my period will return, and attempting to understand God’s intention in that most mysterious of relationships: marriage.

I’m still waiting, but I’m not silent. I’ve been sharing my story with my girlfriends, my family, my pastors. And what I’ve learned is that I’m not alone. Lots of other women are struggling with hormone imbalances, infertility, and confusion or frustration in their dating/married life. So now I’m sharing with you, hoping that you’ll be encouraged and challenged…and if you have insight, then please, please share.

Understanding God’s Will for Your Life

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Looking outI don’t often think of myself as a particularly talented individual, at least not in the common sense of the word “talented.” I’m not a distinguished dancer, expert pianist or widely published author. But recently I’ve come to realize that God has given me talents that require discovery and cultivation. For instance, I have a talent for Connectedness, or at least that’s what the StrengthsFinder test has indicated to me.

StrengthsFinder is a Gallup-generated online assessment that serves as a companion tool to the national bestseller StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath. My talent for Connectedness means I “have faith in the links between all things.” As a Christian, this makes sense to me. The test results further indicate that I believe there is a reason behind everything, and that I think all creation and humankind are linked in some way. For me, that link clearly is God and his beautiful plan for creation – a link that has been broken. Continue reading →